Puck Bunnies. Hockey Hoes. What ever you want to call them, they exist and they exist in every sport. Women who don’t understand a sport but looooooove the players. It’s bound to happen. But then there are the rest of us. The women who love and appreciate sports for the game, the action, the thrill of competition. Even we are not immune to fan girl moments. Including myself.
Why? Well to be perfectly blunt, my vagina doesn’t go on vacation just because I am watching a sport. I’m not blind. As a heterosexual female who watches hundreds of professional athletes play various sports each year (my favorite being hockey and baseball), I am going to have fan girl moments. These are moments when how I feel can only be expressed with furious and inexplicably violent keyboard mashing. Here is an example:
Hold on…we can make that ten times better…
Whew. Now, to be completely honest, Claude Giroux is one of my favorite hockey players and has been for the past few seasons. If only the Pens could lure him away from the Flyers (even though the Pens need another center like they need another concussed player). He is undeniably one of the most talented forwards in the league presently. I actually was not physically attracted to him until 24/7 aired in December, so blame HBO for giving him some humanity and showing his smile. Killed me. Not ashamed.
Then there is Henrik Lundvist, one of the league’s top goalies. How are you not amazed when he is making a show stopping save? On top of that, let’s face it. Hank is the perfect man and what he brings to the table isn’t even remotely fair to any other man on the planet in any sport, any movie, any street corner, anywhere. I question the sanity of any woman who denies that this man is straight out of a fairy tale. Prince Charming, Aladdin, Prince Philip from Sleeping Beauty and that Prince over in England that just got hitched got NOTHING on Hank!
Try to compete with him, men. I dare you.
Then there is this…
Yeah. Good luck with that.
That all being said, it’s time to move on to the men. Now, I’d like to see a show of hands of how many men out there think Anna Kournikova is a fantastic tennis player?
And we know Hope Solo is good at soccer. Guys having to close the blinds and stock up on lotion when the ESPN Bodies issue came out with naked Hope watering her lawn (an ironically suggestive activity for what men were doing locked up in their bathrooms) was acceptable. But it was ridiculous when every girl in America’s panties involuntarily flew off when we caught a glimpse of Ryan Kesler in the same issue? That makes us puck bunnies?
And man, that Amanda Beard is such a great swimmer, huh guys? How many races have you watched outside of the Olympics and what race(s) does she swim? Don’t you dare Google it.
Point is, guys are just as guilty, if not MORE guilty of flailing over athletes than women are when it comes to a legitimate caring about the sport situation. Their sports are far more obscure to what is commonly viewed on television and in person, as opposed to baseball, basketball, football and hockey. So please, tell me more about how much you watch volley ball, gymnastics, figure skating, women’s snowboarding, swimming and softball more than once every four years when the Olympics roll around or each summer/winter for the X-Games.
Until you can admit that with a straight face, I’ll continue to dream of the day I find out that James Neal has started washing his hair after every practice.